As intimidating as it may sound, for many divorcing couples who are transitioning from sharing space and acting as spouses to being separated from one another on paper, it is very hard to put up with the fact that they are no longer together. Truth be told, for many, ending marital relationships may feel even worse than living under one roof with their ex-partners.
Married people expect their partners to be open about all they do, when and why, such as why they are late from work, what they are going to do next weekend, who are those people they are going out tonight, etc. While for some, it may feel like they have to report on their every movement, others view this as respect for their spouses. If you would tell your friend about your plans for tonight, so why not to tell your better half? Spouses should be accountable to each other and true to the commitment they made when entered into a marriage. However, when these people get divorced, things change.
Do You and Your Former Better Half Have a Switch-Off Button?
Too many or very few talks is one of the most common reasons why many married people sooner or later end up looking for a DIY divorce kit. Interestingly, spouses who get used to accounting for every little trifle or those who get used to suspecting their partners all the time, don’t change their behavior just because they have already prepared their divorce documents online
. Oftentimes, divorcing people simply don’t have that switch-off button.
When one or both former lovers expect the same level of respect and accountability, things turn sour for them, especially when they are amidst the negotiating process or when they are co-parenting their kids after divorce. What we are dealing with here is their unconscious unwillingness to change their marital status. Both divorcing and divorced people should realize that they are no longer in a position to meddle in their exes’ personal life. So, given the said, you and your former soul-mate have neither the right nor the need to know anything about each other unless it is related to your kids.
Are You One of These People?
Former lovers may feel the need to know everything about their exes, like where they are, what they are doing, and who they keep company with, in case there is an emergency with their kids (even if it’s their custodial time). They always ask their exes to update them whenever the latter ones are going to change their plans and, what is even worse, claim to be informed immediately.
Of course, non-custodial parents have the right to know everything about their children and thus it is normal if they always call their exes (custodial ones) to check if their little ones are safe and sound. However, when it comes to shared custody, there is no need to bother another parent during his or her non-custodial days for nothing.
This is mainly because whatever this person does and whoever he or she meets during the non-custodial days doesn’t have any bearing on the kids’ safety and thus is none of another parent’s business. Unfortunately, very few divorced people are willing to accept this fact. Are you one of them?
What to Do in Case of Emergency?
No matter whether it was a complicated or fast divorce that your couple was involved with, a parenting plan must have been prepared. Take note that along with its many purposes, this plan is also supposed to govern the communications that you and your former spouse will carry out to make your daily child-related decisions, during holiday time and when one of two parents is absent for a long period. Having this plan, you two will know exactly which method of communication (by phone or personal visit) and when to choose, how much time each of you have to give your response, have truthful contact information (including your employers’ one), and know who to call first in case of any emergency. You and your ex should be able to contact each other within 24 hours in the case, God forbid, there is an emergency that threatens your kids’ wellbeing or when a big child-related decision must be made immediately.
Oftentimes, it makes sense to come up with a “plan B” for one of you to cover for another in case the latter one is absent and cannot be reached, especially when your kids need urgent treatment. In this case, both parents agree that each of them is entitled to take big decisions on behalf of another parent in specific situations.
It is Time to Make a Fresh Start
If you still behave as if your couple has never prepared the legal forms a divorce requires, then you probably live in the past. Of course, it is hard to let your marital life along with your old habits go, especially if it was a long-term romance you had, and it may seem like your heartache is growing day by day. But believe on a bare word, things are going to get better with no doubt. To get over your break-up, you must let your past go and focus on starting a new, yet happier life where there is no room for disappointment, anger, and resentment.